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Baby, it's cold!

Agriculture.com Staff 02/12/2016 @ 8:10am

The weather gods have once again bestowed us with the blessing of bitterly cold weather.

Many of us despise subzero temperatures. But like it or not, cold is responsible for numerous good things, including beer and the space shuttle.

Think about it. If we all enjoyed a warm, paradisiacal climate all the time, there would be no motivation to do anything but laze in the shade and scratch oneself. We wouldn't worry about such trifles as food and shelter; these things would pretty much take care of themselves.

But put a person in a climate that's below freezing half the year and the dynamics of life abruptly shift. Suddenly we begin to think about what we’ll eat and how to preserve body heat. This is what gave rise to the domestication and storage of grain.

Having access to grain engendered experimentation with fermentation and the miracle of beer. And once a beer recipe is perfected, it would be nice if said recipe were somehow recorded for future reference, necessitating a means to measure and tally. So it is that beer brought forth some of humanity's more unfathomable concepts such as "arithmetic" and "avoirdupois."

The event is lost in the mists of time, but I suspect that one day a small group of cave guys were sitting around drinking beer. A can of beer was accidentally dropped and the sudden release of carbonation caused the vessel to shoot across the cave floor.

After the laughter died down, one of the cave guys thoughtfully remarked, "It would really be cool if a guy were to make something like that, only much bigger. Maybe even big enough to carry someone up into the sky!"

"Yeah," says another cave guy, "But just imagine how much measuring and ciphering that would take!"

All eyes turned toward the brew master. "It could be done," says he after some quiet consideration, "But it would involve an awful lot of beer!"

Beer and rocketry are by no means the only benefits of the cold. Just think of all the great literature that has been created because of chilliness.

For instance, when a cold front collides with warm summertime air a thunderstorm often results. Without thunderstorms, Mark Twain would have never observed, "The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right."

Were the entire earth tropical Jack London would have never produced his epic tales about the epic cold of the Great White North, no "The Call of the Wild" or "To Build a Fire." While few of us can relate to driving a team of sled dogs, we can all empathize with the main character in "To Build a Fire."

Even during this deep cold I try to maintain my habit of going for a daily constitutional. Much bundling is required before venturing out. This is why few marriage proposals occur in the northland during the wintertime: all that clothing tends to turn us into unattractive androgynous blobs.

But my Nordic blood calls me out into the cold so I'll pack on several tons of clothing and set off on the wilderness of our township road. Our trusty dog, Sandy, trots ahead.

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