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The Dukes

06/11/2012 @ 8:42am

My wife drives a Kia Soul.  It’s an odd looking little car – kind of square and lumpy.  I encouraged her to get it, because it gets good gas mileage, has lots of room inside and no one we know has one, so it’s easy to find in the church parking lot.  It isn’t really sporty, but there is a slight feeling of “zippiness” to it - maybe because it has some really odd accessories, like glow in the dark speakers that change color according to the music.   Which, by the way, I rate as perhaps the least necessary option I’ve ever seen.

All in all, it’s practical and useful in kind of a quirky, goofy way.

But then, so am I.  I’m actually kind of square and lumpy, too, but that’s where the resemblance ends.

Anyway, we were headed down the road the other day, rapidly approaching an intersection that appeared to have a little crest to it.  I was driving, my wife was reading, and I guess I was a little bored.

“Should I speed up so we can sail through the air when we hit the bump?”  I asked.

My wife looked up and said, “Why in the world would you do that?”

“It’d be fun,” I said. “We could yell “Yee haw.”  It’d be just like the Dukes of Hazzard.  Maybe we could get our own show.”

She didn’t immediately kill the idea, but she did say, “We’d need a different theme song.”

Do you remember “The Dukes of Hazzard?”  It was a big hit with our kids when it was first on.  It involved a couple of handsome young men, a flashy Dodge Charger and various hijinks.  Waylon Jennings sang the theme song, which started, “Just good old boys, never meaning no harm, beats all you ever saw, been in trouble with the law since the day they were born...”

Since my wife has had only one speeding ticket in her life, and my last one was about seven years ago, I agreed we would probably need a theme song of our own.  I ran one suggestion by her.

“Just a couple of middle aged folks, in a funny looking car, heading for a couple of a social engagements, but gonna be home before midnight...”

“Yeah,” my wife said, “that’s not quite right.”

My next effort was,

“Just a square red car, half covered with mud, can’t go very fast, but has funky lights in both front doors.”

“That’s not good either,” she said.  And she raised one eyebrow.

I don’t think I deserved the eyebrow – I’ve never claimed to be a songwriter.  I decided to try one more time.   

“Two middle-aged folks, can’t afford a Porsche, something, something Morsche, in a car with comfortable seats and enough cupholders. Looking for adventure, just not too much.”

My wife listened carefully and then said, “Why don’t you just drive.”

“Okay,” I said.  I turned the radio up a little louder and concentrated on my driving.  It’s an easy car to drive – good visibility and a windshield wiper for the rear window, and don’t forget about those lights around the stereo speakers.  All in all, a very good car.

Just not quite enough “Yee haw.”

Or maybe it’s not the car.

Copyright 2011 Brent Olson

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